hello.... blog nation.... first post i scared
i'm not sure what i wanna do here. i want to post deep introspective stuff about my deepest darkest secrets but if all my friends see that that's kinda scary so maybe i don't advertise the blog anywhere and if people can find it then they get to know my deepest darkest secrets... scavenger hunt..... (jk it would be so easy u would just have to look at what blogs allen is following)
so ya. life Update. Status Update. stuff is cray i feel crazy. i think maybe my meds have stopped working or i need something else cus i started evil birth control that makes me suicidal every couple days is that what birth control does ? CUT IT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i have an exam i need to make up tomorrow and i don't want to do it cus i'm so stupid and i can't remember anything any day of my freaking life. and i want to be dead but i don't want to do it myself cus i'm lazy. so i just live my life aand i have nothing going for me lowkey and idk what i'm doing with my life but hey. stuff goes on fr. i think having a purpose in life is fake and we were put on this earth to have fun and to live and by doing that we r doing Enough. my existential take that i know u came here for. that reminds me of this poem i like hold on.
Wild Geese, by Mary Oliver
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting—
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
UGH!!!!! WHO UP LETTING THE SOFT ANIMAL OF THEIR BODY LOVE WHAT IT LOVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yeaaaaaah i read sometimes...... yeaaaaah some may say i'm so cool and niche.... speaking of which... i have been reading stone butch blues by leslie feinberg recently and oh goodness. the gender within lesbianism is so interesting i think. i like when people are so lesbian it essentially becomes their gender. that is lowkey me but the opposite with transgenderism i am so transgender it became my sexuality. Thank You! also omg. the loneliness of this book. makes me SICK. UGHHH!!!!!! the beginning is about her growing up and it wasn't my favorite overall but she is just so Lonely. nobody can fully understand her and nobody wants to cus she's so Other. she also reads this poem to her class and it made me sad i'm putting a second poem in my blog post can u even believe it. i looked it up and it's alone by edgar allen poe so that makes sense i suppose ...
Alone by Edgar Allan Poe
From childhood’s hour I have not been
As others were—I have not seen
As others saw—I could not bring
My passions from a common spring—
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow—I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone—
And all I lov’d—I lov’d alone—
like bro fr. that what i'm saying.
today was fine i have done nothing..... i might stay up studying or i might avoid my aliens class again and make up my exam tuesday... we shall see... me allen finn took the trolley to stores yesterday it was fun i love public transit. me and allen also watched him which was okay it was better than i expected the x-ray parts were very cool and scary anything to do with a preexisting injury freaks me out like even in challengers when zendaya hurts her knee it like made my chest tight for the rest of the movie. athletes r crazy. the end of that movie felt like a fourth of july truck commercial. iiiiiiiiidk man.
stuff i am on recently. i need to read my billion library books that i took out from the college library i'm excited for you weren't meant to be human and the spirit bares its teeth by andrew joseph white i've heard good things and the covers r pretty which is all that matters to me unfortunately. also i love the blue yerba mate and the guava monster. and also. iced brown sugar shaken espresso with the pumpkin cream cold foam.... because it's fall time and u should live a little .... Indulge.... in a lovely fall-time Beverage....
so yes.... my beautiful mind palace... tell me what u think..... love u forever. blog nation.
