epic blog post #2

     hello world it's me....... halloween was yesterday and we decorated cookies and tonight i get Crunk. and tomorrow night i get Crunk. and i talk to my Friends. life is beautiful fr.

    i don't even have cool media stuff to talk about this time i haven't been reading or watching anything except like the new episodes of smiling friends i love that show bro. i've been playing bloons again i love balloon. and also darktide i love that stupid straight boy game i make ugly people and i kill stuff. <3

    i do love ethel cain and ELO recently what else is new genuinely. i also love car seat headrest again and i've been listening to like 2021 sad music i'm listening to mitski again i'm REGRESSING. UH OH.

    i miss writing but i fear i am bad at it and i've started so many things that i will never finish cus i am Dumb. i fear i am too dumb for genuinely everything in this world. my brain doesn't work and i know i'm capable of things but it's like i'm fighting with myself all of the time to have cohesive thoughts and it's so exhausting bro i'd rather do nothing ever. but can't. UGH!!!!!!!!! i wish i was SMART! or CREATIVE! or ARTISTIC! UGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    oh hey.... shortest post ever. hashtag life update. allen is writing halloween modern college au fanfiction of our characters . i love my ocs. i need to write toxic roblox labubu horror workplace height difference yaoi. real ones know. we r so old and writing fanfiction. Thank You!

    i love fall and october and halloween i wish it was halloween forever . i wish i watched more horror movies this month i try to do that but i so busy wtf!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

HAPPY FREAKING JERMAWEEN

#90

i can smell you in the hallway, just outside of the door. you are alive somewhere, miles away, but i cannot see you. you aren’t there when i can. you’re on the wall. you’re just past me. you can’t look straight and i’m the only one that can stomach it. there’s something grounding about it, someone you love reduced to a sedated animal, so weirdly human. i’m here now. it makes no difference. so many people have told me i’m a good friend that it starts to sound like just one of those things you say to console a crying child. back inside, i’m surrounded by your stuff, left mourning a person still alive. left making your bed and tidying your things. repeating myself and beating dead horses and sobbing so hard that i can only lay, body inverted inside-out, under his breathing ceiling. this web is shared and yet only i feel it like this. we took turns, me and them, them and me, comforter and comforted. in the car, in that room, out in the yard with the barking dogs. hair wet and sweet-smelling, throat scratchy. this will change something. nothing will ever change. in the light of the television, barely-there, i face your bed with my eyes closed and i try to find the back of your head, the way i always do. it almost works.